Do What Now?

Do what you love. It sounds so easy. The older I get the harder it seems. Yet the older I get the more important it seems. I’ve built a life that I can say I am proud of. I have a beautiful wife and wonderful 6 month old daughter. I own a home and am able to provide for my family. Those are the most important things to me. All in all, I’m grateful for the life I have.

But… there is that nagging feeling. That one you feel 40+ hours a week when you are away from the things you love to do something you may only like or hate or maybe worst of all feel indifferent about. Work. It is a necessary evil. Or so we have been told. Or so I’ve been sold.

I remember early on in dating my wife talking about my job and how I enjoyed it well enough and that I view moving up in my current company as my back up plan. Here I am, eight years later, working my back up plan. I do not share this for pity. My career has been good to me. I’ve grown as a professional and as a person. But… there is that nagging feeling…

It started right before the pandemic. And ever since then I’ve felt more and more of a disconnect between my personal and work life and who I am in both. Many who know me know I have begun to look elsewhere for a new opportunity (including my boss, who I greatly appreciate. My family was over a few weeks ago to visit and see their granddaughter. My step-father asked me, “What do you want to do?” I stopped and didn’t have an answer. For years my mind has been on what is the salary and how does this get me closer to what I want outside of work.

After all, I’ve been working my backup plan for a decade now. I’ve forgotten about what I want to do. That question has been stuck in my head since he asked me.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved sports. My screen names growing up often had to do with sports. I’ve been a die-hard Philadelphia Eagles fan my entire life. I can still picture a black sweatshirt with a giant Eagles helmet on it that I would wear all the time when I must have been about five years old. I kept the sweatshirt long after I outgrew it because I couldn’t get rid of it. I quickly developed superstitions, the kind that a die-hard six-year-old would come up with. I remember getting angry at a classmate because they wore a Donovan McNabb jersey on a Friday, when clearly one must only wear a jersey the day after a win. And the team would surely lose the next game if anyone strayed.

When I went off to college I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to write about sports. I wanted to tell stories, share opinions, learn strategy, and have fun. Then four years of college turned into ten and I was deep into my new career which gave me a stability I had never experienced.

Turns out the answer to my step-father’s question is the same as it was when I was sixteen. I want to write about sports. I want to do what I love. If I am going to spend time away from my daughter, I damn well better love what I am doing. I don’t know how or when, but I know what I am working towards.

I’ll continue to use this space as a general blog, but its primary focus will be sports. I appreciate you checking it out and hope you enjoy what you read.

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